Marriage Realities

For anyone not married and under the impression that marriage is the easiest next step of life and that it only brings sunshine and smiles and joy… this is the blog post for you. Let me begin by saying, though I am not married, that I have come to understand that it is an important step for one to take and is a union that can bring sunshine and smiles and joy! Although, there are plenty of challenges that can come as well, hard days exist even after being married to “the love of your life and best friend.”

Here are some types of challenges a couple might face in the first month or first year (or more) of their marriage:

1. In-Laws- More specifically, balancing time and communication between them. Are we going to spend Christmas with one of them? And if so, which? Are we going to live close to one of them? (And if so, which?)

2. Time Management- Leaning to work with each other’s schedules, no matter the stage of life or the types of things going on. This consists of controlling the time that you spend together despite the obstacles that could stand in the way such as school, work, etc.

3. Housework- Who is going to responsible for what? And when? Are you going to assign specific tasks to one person do consistently or will they change every week?

4. Intimacy- Setting boundaries and learning the preferences/concerns of one’s partner.

5. Finances- Understanding and deciding on how to organize things financially. Have you chosen to keep the separation of accounts, or have you created a joint one as a couple?

6. Expectation/Reality- Discovering so many new things that you didn’t know about your partner that you may not have known before and learning how to go about getting used to them. (Deciding together if there are things that need to change or if someone might simply have to “get used to it.”)

This is of course just a small list of things that could occur, you are likely to be able to think of many more. I would also like to mention that this doesn’t mean that every couple will have struggles and difficulties with these things. Every person, every couple, and every marriage will be different. (For those of you who are already married, I am sure you were thinking about whether those things applied/apply to you and your marriage or not. I would love to learn things from your perspective and hear your story!)

Now, something that I did not mention in that list, that I would like to speak a little bit about now, is the inclusion of children to the family unit. How does childbirth affect a marriage? Believe it or not, there are many studies that say/show that marital satisfaction decreases when children become to come into the picture.

Hopefully, this graph gives a general idea of what this looks like though obviously this does not apply to every marriage. Not shown here is how marital satisfaction begins to then increase again as the children grow and go-out on their own. The satisfaction becomes the highest in this case when the parents become “empty-nesters.” How interesting, no? Of course, worth mentioning again, this does not apply to every couple. In fact, there are many cases in which childbirth increases the marital satisfaction considerably and then it began to decrease as the children leave the home. Perhaps this depends on the relationship between the couple prior to having children? (I don’t have the answer as to why trends like this occur, do you have any other ideas or thoughts about how marital satisfaction is influenced with childbirth?)

I sincerely hope that none of this caused any worry or doubt in those of you who are not yet married. It may not be easy, but the best things in this life rarely are, so take heart! Recognizing and understanding some of the challenges of marriage before getting married will be in your favor, you can now prepare to combat and even possibly prevent these things from happening. It’s all about preparation!

(I apologize to all you already married folk who most likely already knew/understood these things, hopefully there was still something you could takeaway.)

Stay Golden!