Let's... Hangout?

Okay everyone, here is the question of the week: Has dating gone out-of-date?

It pains me to admit, as a college student living in “the prime time of dating” and who understands its importance, I feel like it has, or rather that it (dating) is starting to become, “old-fashioned.” The definition of a date or dating has changed, and hanging out appears to have taken its place, as if they mean/represent the same things and have the same impact on the lives of those participating. Elder Dallin H. Oaks, member of the quorum of the twelve apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints speaks on and gives definition to the two (we’ll start with dating and explore it before getting to hanging out in a little bit):

Dating:

“Dating is pairing off to experience the kind of one-on-one association and temporary commitment that can lead to marriage in some rare and treasured cases.” “A ‘date’ must pass the test of three p’s: (1) planned ahead, (2) paid for, and (3) paired off.”

What appears to have been forgotten over time is that though a date should pass the test of the three p’s, this does not mean that it must be expensive and extravagant. There is no need for dinner at a five-star restaurant and a carriage ride across town once a week for it to be considered a date or to be dating. It’s not as complicated as many believe or perceive.

Some of the functions of dating are:

1. Recreation: A time to relax and have fun while getting to know somebody new. (Or possibly not new if this isn’t your first date.) Getting creative and trying new things on dates allows for one to get to know another in ways that simply “hanging out” wouldn’t allow. For example, if you decide to go on a hike for a date, you are getting the opportunity to not only learn, but see how this person reacts to the situations that occur while hiking. You may ask different questions while on a hike too, conversations and experiences that wouldn’t be had if instead you both had been sitting in your living room, watching a movie, occasionally talking, and playing on your phone sometimes too. (In other words, just hanging out.)

2. Intimacy/Companionship: Intimacy doesn’t always have to mean sexually, but rather interpersonally in terms of dating. Building and growing a companionship with someone is something many look forwards to as they can build trust and potentially have the chance to move onto number three with that person.

3. Mate Selection: This is one of the most obvious functions of dating as many date others in hopes of finding the person that they would like to marry one day. It’s not the same for everyone but going on multiple dates with different people before going exclusively with just one, allows for the chance to see what kind of person one is interested in and looking for to potentially spend the rest of their life with.

Now how about we look at hanging out for just a minute. Here is what Elder Dallin H. Oaks says:

Hanging Out:

“…numbers of young men and young women joining together in some group activity." “Hanging out requires no commitments, at least not for the men if the women provide the food and shelter.”

There’s not too much more I’d like to say about this new popular trend of just hanging out. Don’t misunderstand me, I think it is very important to create friendships and spend time with those people who are good influences on your life. However, when it comes to wanting to get to know someone on a deeper level than just friends, when you are looking for a potential mate, it should move into the dating realm. After all, marriage is not going to be a group activity. (Until the children come of course.)

Now that we have some basic definitions and explanations of each, can you get a sense of how they differentiate in meaning and importance? Would you agree that dating has in a sense gone out-of-date? How could this possibly have an impact on the generations to come? Those are just a few questions to think about, I would love to hear what you think!

If you’d like to read the full remarks of Elder Dallin H. Oaks, feel free to click on the link below!

Dating versus Hanging Out

Stay Golden!