Routine of Communication

Whether things are going well or not in any relationship can often be directly attributed and/or determined by one important action: communication. Communication is what brings people together while also having the potential of pulling them apart. (Interesting, no?) I decided to ask a few of my friends and family what they believed to be some challenges to family/relationship communication, and here are a few of the reasons they gave me:

• Generational Differences- Understanding between generations and the current stressors that may not have existed before. (Perhaps the child is going through something that the parent never had to with the ever-increasing technological world.)

• Relationship- The ability to communicate with each member of the family depending on how well each person gets along with another.

• Lack of Trust- Perhaps the trust of one was broken due to secrecy and/or other things and as such it makes it difficult to have the confidence to be open with them in communication.

• Effective Communication- At times there are moments when we lack the ability to communicate in a successful or productive way. (This could lead to bigger problems if we speak before we take time to think.)

• Belief in Transparency- There can possibly be times in which we believe that our thoughts are transparent and known by all. When this happens, we are oftentimes frustrated as to why people don’t understand what we want or the point we’re trying to make, as if they can read minds.

What other challenges to family/relationship communication have you seen, or can you think of? (Because there are certainly many more than this!)

So now that we know some of the potential obstacles that prevent good communication, how do we combat them? Is there a best way/form to communicate that will lead to better results? Personally, I love the concept/structure which was presented to us in class this week that is practiced by the leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Every Thursday the First Presidency and member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles join for a meeting to discuss things about the Lord’s kingdom here upon the earth. The day before the meeting they are all given an agenda that explains what the next day might/will entail. (Having the agenda beforehand allows for them to be sure they are prepared and feeling well for the discussion of the following day.) The meeting, once arrived then goes something like this:

1. Expressing love and appreciation 2. Prayer 3. Discussion 4. Prayer 5. Refreshment

Although it is a simple structure, this way of conducting meetings allows for them to have open, honest, and deep communication. Let’s break it down by parts.

1. Expressing love and appreciation- Before even beginning to discuss things, the brethren take time to convey the love and respect that they have for one another. This allows for them to start on the best of terms and see only the good in one another.

2. Prayer- Opening the meeting with a prayer invites the Spirit to be with the brethren. It asks God to be in the center of their discussion so that they are sure they are making the best decisions according to his will.

3. Discussion- During their time speaking, sharing, and planning with one another, the brethren often are not focused on giving their point-of-view but rather listening to the point-of-view of others. Instead of aiming for compromise they are working toward consensus, so that their choices are not only acceptable to each member but also with God and His plan for His kingdom.

4. Prayer- Just as important as starting with a prayer is ending with one. This allows for a spiritual confirmation that what they discussed was what was needed. It also allows a time for them to express their gratitude for the opportunities they have been given and the resolves they were able to reach.

5. Refreshments- This one may sound a bit silly, but wouldn’t you agree that you enjoy eating food with people that you love an appreciate? This is another way that the brethren are able to revert back to the beginning, expressing love and appreciation for one another by sharing a treat with each other.

Though this may seem like an interesting process to some, imagine the power that it could bring if we were to implement it into our marriages and families: Setting times when we will discuss things that are important to us, to resolve any possible conflicts, to see how each person is feeling, and ultimately to grow closer together. I encourage you to give this a try, no matter how it may look to you. I believe there to be great strength both in structure and through the Spirit. Let’s give it a try!

Stay Golden!